Lazy A$$

I've been sitting here, contemplating this photo and munching on my Lean Cuisine. (I will no doubt be hungry again in 10 minutes.) Try as I may, I cannot come up with an excuse as to why this driver thought he/she should straddle the 2 parking spaces. I mean, both spaces had to be free of cars when the driver pulled in. How hard is it to pull in and park in one parking space? The driver didn't even have to parallel park! Was a mariachi band of kittens parading around in the front half of the first parking space?

I know, the mental image is too much! Mariachi Band! Kittens! I could squee from the thought!

Wait, where was I?

Oh yes. It's simple driver of beige 4-door nondescript vehicle. Repeat after me, "One car, one parking space." Got it? Good.

Kittens! Zoinks!

Thanks, Pamela! Great picture!

Shopping Shame

I'm sure you have all been there before. You need to go to the store. You pull into a lane to go park. You find an awesome parking space and BOOM! This is what you find:

A parking spot filled with shopping carts. Carts that were obviously used by shoppers with broken legs that can't possibly walk the cart to the corral, or at least even push the cart off to the side to allow drivers the chance to park in the spot. Oh no. What amazes me is that all stores are filled with broken leg shoppers. Is there an epidemic going on that the news has yet to report? Vicious dinosaurs stalking parking lots and biting the legs off of unsuspecting shoppers making it impossible to put their carts away? Either way, we need to alert the media STAT.

(Photo was taken by yours truly.)

Just passing through

Well then.

(cough)

This driver clearly believes their vehicle is much larger than it really is. Most of us upon leaving our vehicle would say, "Oops, pulled too far, need to back it up." Not this driver. Oh no, this driver is special. 

A special doofus, that is.

The sales at Walmart must have been damn good.

Thanks, Hollie! Keep up the great asshole parking pictures everyone!

Blame Game

I have to admit, at first I immediately wanted to punch the driver of the small car. (You know what they say about ASSuming.) BUT, upon inspection I have come to the conclusion that it's all the truck's fault. The truck clearly is taking up its half of the middle, thus forcing the poor car to park on the damn curb. If I was the car I would be outraged by the rudeness.

Oh wait, I'm outraged on behalf of the car. I clearly have issues.

Thanks Gretchen! Awesome asshole parking!

Angle on the Dangle

Okay, I give. I have no clue what in the world this driver was thinking. Is the truck too big for the parking spot? Parking somewhat vertical in a parallel spot? Clearly the back end is sticking out into the driving lane and the driver is blinder then the bat that tried to eat my face off. (Seriously, last night a bat flew out of my hanging flower basket. It was less than a foot away from my face. Almost. Shit. My. Pants.) 

Let's just cut to the chase. This driver clearly deserves:

How about we stick the award on the driver's forehead? Clearly that's where it needs to be. A constant reminder that he/she drives like a douche. 

Thanks Janet for the fantastic photo. Mwauh!

(Okay, so the bat didn't try to eat my face off. It flew off, acting really insulted that I dare water the hanging flower basket. Fine. Whatever.)

Remember: **You too can submit a photo! Email them to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Pictures must be original in content and taken by you. Please make sure to send any blog links, website, etc if you want credit for the photo. You can be anonymous too. Also, by submitting a photo, you agree to let me post it. Got it? Good.**

Which one came first?

I can't be sure, but I am almost positive the pickup started this, thus forcing the little SUV thing to park like a jerkwad too. See people, this is exactly why you shouldn't park like an asshole. You park like one and before you know it the car next to you parks like a douche and so forth. Next thing you know the whole damn parking lot is filled with people who can't seem to park between two SIMPLE lines.

AND then my eye starts twitching. I may also start muttering cuss words in German. Not that I speak German. THAT'S how bad it would be.

(Thanks again Lisa! Love all these pictures everyone. Keep up the great work.)

Rude much?

Grimy butt goblins! I don't know about you, but I find this driver's parking abilities rather insulting. He/she drives a vehicle the size of a mosquito and can't manage to park the correct way in ONE spot. I drive a van. A van in which I can parallel park the mofo out of and would still manage to park in only one parking space. This driver is a turd.

The end.

(Thanks, Aaron! Love the pic!)

EPIC

Well, okay then. I can now say I've seen everything that the parking world has to offer. This is douche parking to the max, bro. (No, I am not a surfer in any way. In fact I live in Michigan. It's just fun to talk..er type this way.) The worst part about this par-dick-ular parking is the fact that the driver didn't even bother trying to park in the back of the parking lot. Nope, instead they use all the assholeness inside of them and park in the very front of the store, taking up 56 gazillion spaces. I seriously hope this driver gets an epic wedgie that he/she can't get out. Must have been some killer sale on toilet paper that they driver just had to get immediately. 

Thanks, Jen for the photo! 

Everyone keep up the good work. Remember: **You too can submit a photo! Email them to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Pictures must be original in content and taken by you. Please make sure to send any blog links, website, etc if you want credit for the photo. You can be anonymous too. Also, by submitting a photo, you agree to let me post it. Got it? Good.**

Dude. WTF?

Wow. Just wow. I am pretty certain this is a relative of the elusive quad-parker.

Either that or the driver was playing a game of just how many parking place he/she/it/crustacean could take up in one shopping trip. Maybe there was an awesome sale at GNC and the driver couldn't possibly be bothered with taking the precious time to actually park between the correct lines. Either way, someone should have put this sign on their window:

And besides, the sign is so festive, just think of it as an invitation to a driving school party. Don't drive like a smelly crotch jockey. Just don't. 

Thanks, Lisa, for the awesome pictures. Keep up the good work people. Shaming bad drivers, one awful parking job at a time. 

(I have had a lot of people send me this parking video. Pretty dang hilarious and totally worth the time to watch it. Go check it out. Also makes me wish I had an opportunity to do this to someone.)