Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Holidays!

Ah, Hollie, thank you for this glorious douche parking. You know how much I enjoy it when people make up their own parking spaces. Hollie mentions that the picture was taken in the parking lot of a preschool. Let us all hope that these drivers were just so excited to pick their kids up for a fun filled holiday break that they couldn't be bothered with finding a real parking space. Then again we can also hope that these lovely drivers get coal in their stockings.

A whole lot of WTF.

The lovely Julie sent me these photos and I have to agree with her. The water truck carrier thingy (technical term) started this whole bullshit. I'm sure the white car was all, "Eh, whatever. If the water thingy can do it, then so can I." I mean hell, even the mall security vehicle is all, "Dude, I'm not touching this asshole. Might ruin my Thanksgiving day festivities. In fact I might not even be able to eat pumpkin pie now."

Sigh. People who can't park, destroying appetites for Thanksgiving since 2013. Don't be an asshole. Park between the lines. Yeesh.

My truck is obviously better than yours

Ah yes, a clear cut case of:  "My vehicle is better than yours (nanny, nanny, boo, boo). My vehicle is so awesome that it needs two parking spaces."

Yeah, well next time, fix your parking job, buddy. Despite how big you think your truck is, trust me, it's not that big. Over compensating much?

(snicker)

Thanks, Jennifer! Love the pictures!

Remember: **You too can submit a photo! Email them to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Pictures must be original in content and taken by you. Please make sure to send any blog links, website, etc if you want credit for the photo. You can be anonymous too. Also, by submitting a photo, you agree to let me post it. Got it? Good.**

Curbage!

(Please tell me I'm not the only one that yells "CURBAGE!" at the top of my lungs when I accidentally run over a curb.)

The best part of this truck hanging 10 on some curbage is that the driver is all, "Yeah, I'm cool with it. Just going stay here and ride the curb. Getting some serious air here."

Except the rest of us look at his truck and think, "Asshat, get off the damn curb!"

Thanks, Janet! Great asshole driver find!

Remember: **You too can submit a photo! Email them to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Pictures must be original in content and taken by you. Please make sure to send any blog links, website, etc if you want credit for the photo. You can be anonymous too. Also, by submitting a photo, you agree to let me post it. Got it? Good.**

Lazy A$$

I've been sitting here, contemplating this photo and munching on my Lean Cuisine. (I will no doubt be hungry again in 10 minutes.) Try as I may, I cannot come up with an excuse as to why this driver thought he/she should straddle the 2 parking spaces. I mean, both spaces had to be free of cars when the driver pulled in. How hard is it to pull in and park in one parking space? The driver didn't even have to parallel park! Was a mariachi band of kittens parading around in the front half of the first parking space?

I know, the mental image is too much! Mariachi Band! Kittens! I could squee from the thought!

Wait, where was I?

Oh yes. It's simple driver of beige 4-door nondescript vehicle. Repeat after me, "One car, one parking space." Got it? Good.

Kittens! Zoinks!

Thanks, Pamela! Great picture!

Shopping Shame

I'm sure you have all been there before. You need to go to the store. You pull into a lane to go park. You find an awesome parking space and BOOM! This is what you find:

A parking spot filled with shopping carts. Carts that were obviously used by shoppers with broken legs that can't possibly walk the cart to the corral, or at least even push the cart off to the side to allow drivers the chance to park in the spot. Oh no. What amazes me is that all stores are filled with broken leg shoppers. Is there an epidemic going on that the news has yet to report? Vicious dinosaurs stalking parking lots and biting the legs off of unsuspecting shoppers making it impossible to put their carts away? Either way, we need to alert the media STAT.

(Photo was taken by yours truly.)

Just passing through

Well then.

(cough)

This driver clearly believes their vehicle is much larger than it really is. Most of us upon leaving our vehicle would say, "Oops, pulled too far, need to back it up." Not this driver. Oh no, this driver is special. 

A special doofus, that is.

The sales at Walmart must have been damn good.

Thanks, Hollie! Keep up the great asshole parking pictures everyone!

Blame Game

I have to admit, at first I immediately wanted to punch the driver of the small car. (You know what they say about ASSuming.) BUT, upon inspection I have come to the conclusion that it's all the truck's fault. The truck clearly is taking up its half of the middle, thus forcing the poor car to park on the damn curb. If I was the car I would be outraged by the rudeness.

Oh wait, I'm outraged on behalf of the car. I clearly have issues.

Thanks Gretchen! Awesome asshole parking!

Angle on the Dangle

Okay, I give. I have no clue what in the world this driver was thinking. Is the truck too big for the parking spot? Parking somewhat vertical in a parallel spot? Clearly the back end is sticking out into the driving lane and the driver is blinder then the bat that tried to eat my face off. (Seriously, last night a bat flew out of my hanging flower basket. It was less than a foot away from my face. Almost. Shit. My. Pants.) 

Let's just cut to the chase. This driver clearly deserves:

How about we stick the award on the driver's forehead? Clearly that's where it needs to be. A constant reminder that he/she drives like a douche. 

Thanks Janet for the fantastic photo. Mwauh!

(Okay, so the bat didn't try to eat my face off. It flew off, acting really insulted that I dare water the hanging flower basket. Fine. Whatever.)

Remember: **You too can submit a photo! Email them to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Pictures must be original in content and taken by you. Please make sure to send any blog links, website, etc if you want credit for the photo. You can be anonymous too. Also, by submitting a photo, you agree to let me post it. Got it? Good.**

Which one came first?

I can't be sure, but I am almost positive the pickup started this, thus forcing the little SUV thing to park like a jerkwad too. See people, this is exactly why you shouldn't park like an asshole. You park like one and before you know it the car next to you parks like a douche and so forth. Next thing you know the whole damn parking lot is filled with people who can't seem to park between two SIMPLE lines.

AND then my eye starts twitching. I may also start muttering cuss words in German. Not that I speak German. THAT'S how bad it would be.

(Thanks again Lisa! Love all these pictures everyone. Keep up the great work.)

Rude much?

Grimy butt goblins! I don't know about you, but I find this driver's parking abilities rather insulting. He/she drives a vehicle the size of a mosquito and can't manage to park the correct way in ONE spot. I drive a van. A van in which I can parallel park the mofo out of and would still manage to park in only one parking space. This driver is a turd.

The end.

(Thanks, Aaron! Love the pic!)

EPIC

Well, okay then. I can now say I've seen everything that the parking world has to offer. This is douche parking to the max, bro. (No, I am not a surfer in any way. In fact I live in Michigan. It's just fun to talk..er type this way.) The worst part about this par-dick-ular parking is the fact that the driver didn't even bother trying to park in the back of the parking lot. Nope, instead they use all the assholeness inside of them and park in the very front of the store, taking up 56 gazillion spaces. I seriously hope this driver gets an epic wedgie that he/she can't get out. Must have been some killer sale on toilet paper that they driver just had to get immediately. 

Thanks, Jen for the photo! 

Everyone keep up the good work. Remember: **You too can submit a photo! Email them to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Pictures must be original in content and taken by you. Please make sure to send any blog links, website, etc if you want credit for the photo. You can be anonymous too. Also, by submitting a photo, you agree to let me post it. Got it? Good.**

Dude. WTF?

Wow. Just wow. I am pretty certain this is a relative of the elusive quad-parker.

Either that or the driver was playing a game of just how many parking place he/she/it/crustacean could take up in one shopping trip. Maybe there was an awesome sale at GNC and the driver couldn't possibly be bothered with taking the precious time to actually park between the correct lines. Either way, someone should have put this sign on their window:

And besides, the sign is so festive, just think of it as an invitation to a driving school party. Don't drive like a smelly crotch jockey. Just don't. 

Thanks, Lisa, for the awesome pictures. Keep up the good work people. Shaming bad drivers, one awful parking job at a time. 

(I have had a lot of people send me this parking video. Pretty dang hilarious and totally worth the time to watch it. Go check it out. Also makes me wish I had an opportunity to do this to someone.)

Compacted

Don't you just love it when vehicles don't pull all the way forward in their parking spot so that their tail end hangs out way far? So far you almost slam into them when driving by in a tight parking structure? Me either. In fact, I think this deserves the Lazy Douche Waffle award.

The best part about this person's parking ability?

They obviously can't read. I highly doubt the parking garage company thought that giant SUVs fell into the category of "compact only". I'm pretty sure "compact only" meant a Prius. Or a Mini. Or a Mini Prius. Possibly even a unicorn. You get my point.

(Photos taken by me.)

Caught!

Oh. My. Hells. An asshole parker CAUGHT IN THE ACT. Brilliant I tell you, brilliant. Trying to be all sneaky there Mr. Driver with your tire encroaching on the parking space next to you making it impossible for someone else to park. I hope this teaches you a lesson. (Thanks, Siobhan. Love that you still took the picture, despite the fact that the driver was all, "Wha?!" You rock.)

(Sorry for the lack in posting. I had this thing called life get in the way of things. Bronchitis, work, blah, blah. You understand.)

**You too can submit a photo! Email them to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Pictures must be original in content and taken by you. Please make sure to send any blog links, website, etc if you want credit for the photo. You can be anonymous too. Also, by submitting a photo, you agree to let me post it. Got it? Good.**

The speeding of the parking world

I've come to the conclusion that parking in the cross-hatched no park zone must be the speeding driver in the parking world. Just like speeding, everyone does it and most get away with it. I mean, this person didn't even try to remotely get anywhere even close to parking between the designated lines. It's like he/she parked, walked out of the car, looked at how they parked and just said, "Awww, f*ck it." I mean, that's what I say to myself when I drive at least 5 over the speed limit.

Thanks The Pear Lady for the awesome picture! Keep up the good work everyone. Let's conquer the parking world, one driver at a time!

From the bumper sticker files

I've decided to add bumper sticker pictures to the blog, because there are a lot of freaking funny ones out there, and I for one am always looking for a good giggle or two. Maybe you chortle, snort, or just plain laugh. Either way, enjoy. 

And yes, I have a sick mind. I can't help it. I practically live in the gutter. It's awfully filthy in there. Thanks, Kayta! Love the picture!

**You too can submit a photo! Email them to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Pictures must be original in content and taken by you. Please make sure to send any blog links, website, etc if you want credit for the photo. You can be anonymous too. Also, by submitting a photo, you agree to let me post it. Got it? Good.**

Quad-Parker

What we have here folks is the elusive quad-parker. Rarely seen in the wild, the quad-parker takes up 4 valuable parking spaces. The quad-parker is considered critically endangered in the wild due to lynch mobs slashing tires and keying doors.

Thanks Julie! Hopefully you won't run into a quad-parker anytime soon.

Parallel Schmarallel

This is so fabulously awesome that I have few words to say about it. Obviously this driver didn't pass parallel parking 101 in driver's training class. Or maybe a heard of wildebeests were charging down the city streets and the driver had to quickly get out of the way or get obliterated.

You're right. It had to be wildebeests. Nothing else in my mind would make someone park like this.

(The photo was taken by yours truly.)

(And I guess I had more than a few words to say. It happens.)

Just because I can

Obviously this driver wanted to create their own parking space. Either that or the driver is color blind and the only color they can't see is yellow. All other colors, fine, yellow, no. I wish I was color blind to a$$hole drivers.

Thanks, Andrea! Awesome photo!

Inventing your own parking spot

A classic case of someone who feels entitled to invent their own parking space. In my world those cross hatched yellow lines mean "Don't park here douche". Then again, it could be the voices in my head talking to me. They do that a lot. (Thanks Jen for the photo! Great a$$hole parking!)

**You too can submit a photo! Email them to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Pictures must be original in content and taken by you. Please make sure to send any blog links, website, etc if you want credit for the photo. You can be anonymous too. Also, by submitting a photo, you agree to let me post it. Got it? Good.**

Interruption

Today, we interrupt your daily viewing of a$$hole parking to bring you this:

C'mon, you know you want to laugh. (Thanks, Janet!)

We'll return to your daily posting tomorrow.

One of these things is not like the other

All you Sesame Street fans out there (or parents who have been forced to watch the show over and over) sing with me:

One of these things is not like the other.
One of these things just doesn't belong.
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
by the time I finish my song?

Thanks, Vicki! This totally made my day.

Picture Perfect

Sunday, on my way back home from a work trip, my coworker and I stopped off at one of those service stations on the Ohio toll roads. You know, one of those fancy rest areas with restaurants inside. I unfortunately wasn't feeling so hot (exhaustion + dehydration + start of a cold) and was booking it to the bathroom and missed my chance of taking a picture of the ultimate a$$hole parking job. I didn't want to let any of you down, so I drew a picture to reenact this fabulous moment in parking history. It's kind of like an interpretive dance, only not really.

A student driver car, straddling the lines of two parking spaces. It was classic. I really wanted to wait and see when the driver came out so that I could interview him for the blog.

Me: "Tell me, are you the teacher or the student?"
Driver: "I'm the teacher."
Me: "So you like to teach your students to park like a$$holes?"
Driver: "Errr, um....huh....."

And this is where it starts people. A$$hole parkers breeding more a$$hole parkers. It's an epidemic people, with no cure in site.

**No comments on my crappy drawing. Unless of course they are oozing with awesome sarcasm. Then, please, comment on.**

Speechless

I have to admit, I completely snorted diet coke up my nose when I saw this park job. Nothing says douchecanoe like creating your own parking place, where obviously there wasn't one to begin with. I personally enjoy the fact that the pick up truck is at an angle. The driver couldn't even bother with backing up straight. "It's all good yo, I just gonna back myself up here in this little opening and up on the grass. No one will notice." Thanks for the photo, Erin. My nose however is still bitter over the whole snorting pop issue.

**To submit photos: Please email original photos, taken by you, to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Please make sure to send me all appropriate links if you want credit. You can be anonymous too. By submitting a photo, you agree to let me publish it.**

Diagonal is the new straight

(Sorry for the delay in posting. I have a man cold, only I'm  a woman, so that tells you how bad I feel.)

Jennifer sent in this awesome photo. Why park between the lines, when you can park diagonal to the lines? It's obviously better and makes a statement - a statement saying, "I park like a dingleberry".

Thanks Jen!

(You guys are killing me with the awesome photos. Keep it up.)

Who needs to park between the lines?!

I have to admit, these photos made me chortle. Yes, I said chortle. Theses delightful photos were sent to us by Anonymous.

Anonymous states, "Different cars, same a-hole parking job, same spot. Coincidence?!?"

The only thing I can think of is that the parking space is possessed by a demon that takes over your body when you try to park in the spot and makes you parking like a complete asshole. Clearly, this can be the only explanation for being such a butt muncher.

Thanks Anon!

Line Hugger

Sarah sent in this fabulous picture and stated "Here's what annoys me the most about this photo: A- the parking spaces in this lot are ridiculously small, so you'd better not eff it up. B- this car is parked next to a median, so this person's only excuse for this crappy parking is douge-baggery. It may not seem so bad from the picture, but trust me, the empty space next to this schmuck is not big enough for my compact car."

What a douchecanoe park job! Love it. People should be automatically wedgied when they park this way. 

**Remember, you too can submit asshole parking pictures. Please email them in jpeg format to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. Pictures must be an original and taken by you (no pictures of park jobs that are floating around the internet) . Also, please make sure to send appropriate links (blogs, websites) if you want credit for your photo. Feel free to stay anonymous if you prefer.** 

No personal space for you!

Oh, a personal favorite of mine. I call this "Too Close for Comfort" parking. The delightful Alyssa submitted this photo, stating that she had to climb into the hatch of her car (the Toyota - parked well within her parking space). I always end up bumping my head when I have to enter my van through the back, or on the passenger side. Good one, Alyssa!

Welcome, welcome!

We've all had that moment. You're driving around a parking structure (or a parking lot), late to work, searching around for a parking spot and you pass by someone who felt entitled to park like an a$$hole. They take up two parking spaces (or more), park at an odd angle, etc. Let's do a little parking shaming here. It's kind of like Dog Shaming, only for people who park like butt heads!

Take this lovely parker - why park between the yellow lines of one parking space, when you can park over the yellow lines and take up 2 parking spaces! 

Feel free to submit a photo of someone who deserves a little parking shaming. Please email a picture of a bad park job to aholeparking (at) gmail (dot) com. By submitting a photo you agree for me to put your photo up on this website. The photo also must be an original picture taken by you. Please make sure to send me appropriate links if you want credit for your photo. You can be anonymous too.  Please note that I will blur out any license plates. (Even better, take a picture of you being an a$$hole parker!) (And parker is too a word!)